my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
