Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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