If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Randomize
