Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
