He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
