Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
