Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
