She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
