I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
