theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
