I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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