you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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