I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
