I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
