Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
