you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
