My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
