You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
