you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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