woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
