Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
