made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
please come you make the beer taste better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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