my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
