Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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