We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
