Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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