Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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