I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
