Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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