wanna go halves on a baby?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
