I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
