I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
