Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize