omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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