I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
