I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
