So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
