And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
