farters have to be the big spoon...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
