I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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