Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
