my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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