Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
