THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
