I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
