i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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