is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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