last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
