Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?

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(703): i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/u7ul

Replies (13) Good night (1213) Bad night (590)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...

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(843): ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now... http://tfl.nu/ndt5

Replies (15) Good night (2369) Bad night (1022)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest

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(519): He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest http://tfl.nu/yyal

Replies (47) Good night (1611) Bad night (5850)
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(415): View more from California

And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

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(415): And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?! http://tfl.nu/ikec

Replies (9) Good night (3001) Bad night (868)
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(773): View more from Illinois

please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.

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(773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes. http://tfl.nu/3kln

Replies (8) Good night (1297) Bad night (2861)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

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(719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp

Replies (7) Good night (2888) Bad night (1162)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.

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(312): I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy. http://tfl.nu/9mbp

Replies (5) Good night (788) Bad night (2381)
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(253): View more from Washington

We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.

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(253): We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch. http://tfl.nu/tp65

Replies (42) Good night (3900) Bad night (808)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.

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(828): I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since. http://tfl.nu/iexd

Replies (4) Good night (973) Bad night (1443)
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(512): View more from Texas

I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?

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(512): I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high? http://tfl.nu/rga0

Replies (3) Good night (926) Bad night (508)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.

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(978): there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point. http://tfl.nu/h06c

Replies (4) Good night (728) Bad night (1320)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.

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(218): His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely. http://tfl.nu/zmgf

Replies (5) Good night (912) Bad night (406)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

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(613): Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates? http://tfl.nu/iv63

Replies (3) Good night (655) Bad night (440)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.

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(402): I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description. http://tfl.nu/86v9

Replies (3) Good night (413) Bad night (326)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment

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(804): I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment http://tfl.nu/icpn

Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (192)

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