Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall