Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
