I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
