Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3