FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF