Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
