I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
