6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
