Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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