Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
