my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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