you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
