just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
