Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
