My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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