I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
