i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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