you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize