Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
