if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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