Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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