Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
