Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
